Father: My, honey, you've really outdone yourself this year! Well, I just want to begin by saying that I am very thankful to be spending this day with my wonderful family. Roberta: And me. Father: Yes, and Roberta too. Mother: Oh, we're so happy to have you, Roberta. You can take your coat off, if you like. Roberta: It's from the Burlington Coat Factory. Sarah: So Roberta, how do you know Dad? Roberta: I work in accounts payable at your father's firm. I'm in charge of all the company's debts. Father: Yes. Roberta overheard me talking about our little family gathering and said she didn't have any place to go. Several times actually. Roberta: I usually spend Thanksgiving with my father and my aunt, but they went and booked themselves on a carnival cruise. It's a large boat designed for those who like nonstop activities including shuffleboard and skeet. But I exempted myself from the aquatic fun because the Carnival Cruise Corporation doesn't allow pets aboard its vessels. Mother: Oh, you have pets? Sarah: Mom, mom, don't. Roberta: I have... I have 8 cats. There's Langly, Dominic, Hi Ho, Nut Nut, Montell, Jesus-- Sarah: Uh, Daddy, could you um pass the turkey please? Roberta: Othello, and the most finicky: Gilligan. He'll only eat Fancy Feast.. It's funny, 'cause he'll only eat Fancy Feast--- Sarah: Well this fancy feast is-- Roberta: From the commercial! Sarah: Well this fancy feast is getting cold. So you know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and grab myself a little drumstick here.. Roberta: Would it be inappropriate for me to incorporate a blessing? Sarah: Dad, did you not already say one? Father: Yes I did. Roberta: Dear Jesus-- Sarah: We're Jewish. Roberta: -- savior of the world. I'd like to thank thee for my new Hebrew friends and the top-notch chow we are about to consume. I'd also like to thank thee in advance for the 7 bags of leftovers I'll be able to take home to my cats. Father: Okay, let's eat. Roberta: Langly, Dominic, Hi Ho, Nut Nut, Montell, Jesus.. (looks up) Not you. Othello, and Jesus, you know Gilligan. He'll only eat-- Sarah: Fancy Feast! Amen! Roberta: Amen. Father: Alright. Uh, Grandpa, if you could pass those sweet potatoes, I'd be most grateful. Grandpa: Holy hell, I wish I was DEAD! Father: Yeah, just pass the potatoes. Mother: Sarah, it's such a shame that Richard couldn't join us tonight. Sarah: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that he invited me to join him next week in Paris. Mother: Oh, that's so exciting! Our Sarah jetting off to Paris! Roberta: Have ya ever been to Scranton? Sarah: Nope. Roberta: Don't count it out. The beauty of the skyline alone made me do a double take. (demonstrates) I stayed, I stayed at the airport Ramada. Sarah: (sarcastic) Oooh, Ramada. Roberta: It's funny, because they hadn't washed the sheets. Sarah: I'm sory, how was that funny? Roberta: You didn't let me complete the tale. Apparently the previous guest shot himself in the head. Grandpa: I need a frickin' drink!