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(64k wav)
The Delicious Dish
Terry: I'm feeling a little bit tipsy, Margaret Jo.
Margaret Jo: I'm totally wasted.

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(17k wav)
Martha Stewart: Now that's a sweet piece of ass!

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(119k wav)
The View
Debbie Matenopolous: I think it's just wrong.. Impotency is God's way of telling people, "Hey, stop having sex, you look nasty!" Am I right?
Barbara Walters: No one wants you here!

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(53k wav)
Welcome to All Things Scottish. Our slogan is "If it's not Scottish it's CRAP!"

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(49k wav)
Church Lady: Could it be... SATAN?!?

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(18k wav)
Ted Kacysinki: I ate my own poop last night.

Matt Foley
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(113k wav)
Store Manager: Listen, Matt, you're gonna have to pay for these damages.
Matt: Well that's no problemo. Just send the bill to Matt Foley care of VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
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(88k wav)
Matt: You're not gonna amount to JACK SQUAT!

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(15k wav)
Alex Trebek: And you're an idiot.

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(68k wav)
Dog Show theme

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(27kb wav)
Ladies' Man: Now uh, medically speaking, just how dinky is your wang?


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"I own-- I own a Dodge Stratus!"





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All sounds are in WAV format, unless otherwise noted.

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